Sooo. It's finally here.
It is the last day of my 20's.
I sit here, writing this at 5:55 (it just turned 55) pm on a Sunday night, conscious of the fact that I am starting my new decade on a Monday. I mean, what are the chances?
It's a lock down birthday, which means I am celebrating at home, by myself. Having lived on my own for the past three years, it oddly seems fitting and even really nice that I am celebrating by myself. I love living alone, to be honest. It's really peaceful, there's no drama and I get do the things that I want the way I want to.
In typical lock down fashion, I also took a really, really long walk today. I was supposed to do job applications and what not but I dunno, I'm really enjoying not doing anything on the weekends and just chilling. Anyway, so I ended up doing a 12.4 km walk - 22,784 steps - which is ridiculous. Other than when I used to go up to Seoul on Saturdays for cafe adventures, I've never willingly walked so much in one day in my life.
If I'm being honest, I was actually very apprehensive about turning 30. The lead up to this day has been a bit topsy turvy in terms of coming to terms that I am entering into my third decade of life. I started going through all the things I did in my 20's - some of which are kind of unbelievable, and yet believable for me - and I actually had a very great cathartic moment as I was sitting at the Milson's Point ferry station. In a very 'spiritual' and 'new age' manner, I accepted, released and waved good bye to the things I had perhaps had trouble letting go of.
Most importantly, I think I finally said goodbye to a lot of people - two in particular. Not just the people, but the dreams and the ideas I'd had that featured them in it. I'm making a very conscious effort to live in the now, to take people as they come and to not project my own fantasies and romantic notions on to them - whether it be a friend or potential boyfriend/partner/husband.
And yet, there is still that part of me who would love a bit of romance. Who loves the idea of everything falling into place by itself. Who wants to believe the fairytale.
But the realist in me says no. If you want something to happen in your life, you need to make it happen. And there we are - the constant battle in my head for faith or for realism.
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